Monday, August 22, 2016

25

This cupcake tasted like absolute garbage :) 


On Thursday I turned 25....
and to be honest, it was not the worst (that is reserved for when we drove half of the drive, 16 hours, back from Maryland) but one of the worst birthdays i've  ever had....haha!
And pretty much 100% of that had to do with my state of mind last week. Without going into too much detail, actually literally no detail, there has been an exorbitant  amount of stuff going on in my life that made going back to school really, really difficult. I didn't go in with a positive attitude and as you probably could have guessed, nothing positive came out. 
So yeah, on my birthday I was grumpy and tired and didn't really have a good day because I was sad to be going back to school and was feeling like a crappy teacher. 
The best part of my day was my students from last year coming to visit me with dr pepper and notes from the ones who couldn't be there. It was the absolute highlight of my day and probably a moment i'll always remember. After they left and I was telling someone what had happened I just started like...sobbing! Haha! Then I came home and told Mark and I started crying even more! The thing with teaching is you invest so much of your time and you give your heart to these kids, and then they leave! Some kids you are more than happy to see go, ;), but some you just are so sad! Especially because with my 8th graders, they go to high school so I really don't see them! They really are like your kids and watching them grow up is kinda...painful! 

Anyway, after they came I was feeling so much better about my life in general. It gave me enough confidence to feel like a good-ish teacher and be able to carry on.

After I got home from school Mark had this huge set up of presents and flowers and chips and queso. It was *100 emoji*. Also I hadn't seen him in a few days because he was out of town and it was just a present enough to have him home, honestly. I never realized how much I depend on him to like...live life. Haha!
We went to Red Iguana and it was *DELISH*. So flipping yummy. We also got our own little private room to eat in and it was so cute I loved every second. 
Then my in-laws took me out for sushi the next day at my favorite sushi place and it was very delicious! They also told us to start saving to go to Japan in June! Mark's little brother is leaving on his mission this year and by the time he comes back, someone could have a baby in the family (not us, count on it) and it would be hard to go! So wahoo! Jk i'm actually really freaking out about it (anxiety at an all time high) but i'm pretending to be wahoo about it! 

I got to go shopping with my birthday money and I have recently fallen in love with a few new plus size brands so it was very fun shopping for clothes that I will actually wear because I feel comfortable in them.

 2016 has been very good in some places but a very rocky year in other places and I hope I can turn it around in this last little bit. My sister texted me on my birthday and said "Happy Birthday! 25 was awful for me!" hahaha so i'm hoping it's better than that. I have already had a much better week than I did last week and it's only Monday! 

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, I really appreciated them! 

P.S do you ever feel like you understand the relationship you have with some people a little better based on how they wish you a happy birthday? Because, yep! 

Okay, that's it from me for a bit. Props to all my blog friends who also work full time and still blog because how
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Sunday, August 14, 2016

life in iPhone photos

Have you ever Facebook stalked yourself "through the eyes of another?" because I do that ALL THE TIME. Especially when I add new friends, I go to make sure there isn't anything that anyone would judge me super hard for on my social media platforms. I occasionally do this with my blog when i'm looking for an old post to link back to, etc. 
I found myself in that black hole today, and man! I was so sad! I used to be so good at documenting everything Mark and I did, and now I don't! Mostly because Pokemon Go takes up all the space on my phone but also I am just lazy! It's such a bad habit I have fallen into, i'm sad that memories have been lost because I am too lazy to bring my camera. Anyway, I am going to dump some photos that I haven't posted and hopefully it will get me in the mood to document more of ma life.


 I don't know if I posted this, but one student gave me this print at the end of last year and another one gave me the flowers. As i'm preparing for new kids, I get scared I won't love them as much as I loved my last year kids. I know I will, but I sure miss the group I had last year!
honestly idk what my face is my I just got so sad about how much hair we had to cut off due to damage. We took the best care when dying my hair pink, used the best products and all of that, but it still wipes your hair out!

Pokemon Go, all day, every day.

 I wore glasses one day last year and my students were SO freaked out by it for some reason! 

 The view out of my friend's balcony. Gorgeous! I hope to move here soon!

You guys, my eyes are glistening in this picture because I was sobbing like two minutes before because I was trying to put in earrings when I haven't worn earrings in forever and it was painful and sad but Mark was like "you look pretty so let's get it together for some pictures"

 We decided we had enough weekends of going to movies so we splurged and got tickets to the Utah Symphony playing John Williams songs. It was awesome, but it rained hard for about ten minutes! We were unprepared and I was freezing the rest of the night.
 My ring hitting that light just right...

 It was such a relief not to be so hot, even though I was freezing...haha

 I have started to color during sacrament so I can focus and yes, people judge.

I was shopping at F21 last week and I so regret not getting this bomber. Should I go back and get it? It was $22. Also I miss my pink hair, which is weird because I was so ready for it to be gone.


And that is our photo dump for now!
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Thursday, August 11, 2016

the woman that makes up the size

Hi you guys!
Today’s post has been a long time in the making. You could say since I was 14 years old, actually, I have been thinking about writing this post one day. However in the last six months it has been weighing more heavily on my heart and mind that it’s something I just want to TALK ABOUT.

Daily, I immerse myself in a blogging community that does not represent women who are my size, and there are a lot of us. There are a few bloggers who are making an incredible body positive movement, but they are still size 8 or maybe, 10. I’m so happy that they are making a place for themselves online and helping women like them feel represented. But I also feel like there is a place for me and the women like me. It’s my turn, too. Each day I grow increasingly frustrated that boutiques don’t make clothes for me and brands won’t work with me because of my size. So I’ve been frustrated and I’ve been pissed for about a year. After listening to an episode of This American Life called, “Tell Me I’m Fat” where total girl bosses were coming out and saying, “I’m fat and it’s fine!” I decided that today was the day I was going to talk about this dang thing called fat.

I have not always been fat, but mostly. I was a 00 tall in pant size until eighth grade when puberty hit me like a bus. I went from weighing 90 pounds to weighing 150 in one year. It was a lot for a teenager to handle! Of course, it was right around the time that all my friends were starting to date! I started to notice that boys liked my friends more than me. My friends were getting asked to dances and I wasn’t. My friends were getting boyfriends and I wasn’t. I wore the badge "Wing Woman For Life" and that made logical sense to me because I felt like I had nothing else to offer the world. I was not musical, artistic, and definitely didn't feel pretty....But I could pimp my girlfriend's numbers out like nobodies business. It was all good. Until it wasn't. I had some great times growing up, 90% great memories. But that other 10% contains memories of dealing with feelings of inadequacy, crying, heartbreak, and negativity. That 10%, small as it may be, dominated my feelings about myself. 
My freshman year of college it only got worse because for the first time, I was dating some guys and looked for their approval to make myself feel adequate. Again, the story of every women's life. 

The change started when I decided to join my Greek organization. Not to make this a, "Go Greek" post, but that is a place in my life that I can point to and say, "that changed everything for me." Because for the first time, women were supporting me and believing in me as I ran for positions, as I led, to a small degree, our chapter and Greek community. I was a leader, an example. I felt worth something internally for the first time ever. I felt so empowered by those who loved me, I felt like this is how every woman should feel every day.

As I have continued to invest in myself, I have felt happier with my body. I started to realize that for my entire life, I had been focusing on the size that made up the woman, not the woman that made up the size. Once I had people who believed in me, once I found a job that I loved and hobbies I am passionate about, I finally felt confident enough to wake up and be happy with who I am. Developing this mindset wasn't an overnight experience, of course.  Because I am human, this is something I had to realize and then practice. It can be hard to keep this mindset when all I am seeing online is skinny girls wearing skinny clothes, or when people come up to me in stores apologizing for not having clothes in my size. However the more I serve others and invest in myself,  the woman that makes up the size, the happier and more confident I am.



Recently I’ve decided to stop giving money to companies who don’t cater to all sizes. I am 100% not interested in companies who stop at a size large, and it’s a small large. I can’t. It angers me. It makes me and those that are my size like they aren’t even worth the extra bolts of fabric. It’s stupid and I’m done. A huge part of the acceptance and love of my size came when I started finding clothes that actually fit me. It may seem like a weird concept to someone who is a size small or medium, but once I found a few brands that cater to plus size women and were fashionable and affordable, I felt like there was a place for me in the world. 

I have always been planning to collaborate with a company for this post. One that caters to all women of all sizes so that the woman can focus on HERSELF and not her insignificant number. There was a short list of companies, unfortunately, but eShakti was number one. I’m honored and thankful that they understand me. They understand that I’m done trying to squeeze into something. They get that I have important stuff to do in life and that involves not worrying about my arms getting squeezed in a jacket or my muffin top popping out over some pants.

eShakti carries sizes up to 36W. You can customize the dresses to how tall you are, which totally solves another struggle I have, which is most "dresses" are actually shirts on me. You can add sleeves, take away sleeves, add pockets, etc. They have the best designs, from quirky to classic. They are in their prime right now, too. It was so hard for me to pick just this one dress.

eShakti's philosophy is one that actually made me cry when I read it, because I needed to hear someone say it so badly.
"It is not enough that clothes look good on mannequins. They need to look good on you – this is our philosophy. We make clothes just for you, not to just fit well, but also to have the neckline, sleeve and length work for you. We also make every garment to your exact height. At eShakti, you can, of course, also buy clothes as shown in the standard sizes from 0-36W - or you can have them customized to your specific size with your selection of neckline, sleeve and length. It is your choice and it is easy, fast and affordable.We like to think of eShakti as liberation from the size tag. eShakti is about empowerment. (Shakti in Sanskrit means "power.")"






So here I am, internet. I'm a plus size women who wants to stop squeezing into clothes and start making a difference in the world. 
Blue Floral Dress: C/O eShakti 
Lipstick: Lipsense in color Aussie Rose (order here and get 10% off and free shipping)
Shoes: Forever 21, not online but they had a ton on clearance at the South Towne Mall location.
Thanks to eShakti for sponsoring this post and to Sadie Banks for taking these photos in a complete monsoon yesterday. 

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Friday, August 5, 2016

Lipstick and stuff

Hi guys!
One of my last posts about this.
If you remember, i'm selling Lipsense. I will probably be done here soon because school is hard...but before I do that I am throwing one last hoorah with exclusive pricing and giveaways.
If you read my blog that means we are friends and I want you to be there. Mainly I don't think anyone should have to pay full price for anything and this is the best way I can offer you a discount.
It's really hard to pick what color you are going to love when you are looking at pictures on screen. Come try the colors in person! 
It's not fancy so just come try it out! Bring a friend if you're nervous to come alone! I know how that is! Or just come alone and we can be friends.
Let me know if you have any questions and email me if you want the address! 
Kiss For A Cause! Ignore my very grown out hair.

Strawberry Shortcake!

Aussie Rose! My favorite!

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Monday, August 1, 2016

birthday planning

You guys! My 25th birthday is coming up, on August 18th. I really want this year to be special despite my adulting circumstances. Last year I had to work a 13 hour day, but it was before the kids got to school, so I was able to go to lunch with my Mom and then to dinner with Mark. 
This year it will be the second day of school. Wah wah wahhhhhh. That means no fun lunches with my Mom or any other daytime activity. I'm really bummed actually....but then I remember that I get out before Memorial Day and I try to deal.
But it's 25! It's a big one! So I feel like I have to do something. I had the idea of going up to Snowbird and Park City and having a relaxing birthday weekend but I dunno...
Any suggestions would be welcome! 
Also, does anyone else think about the things they want for their birthday the whole year and then when their actual birthday comes around you can't think of anything?
 Because, same. 

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Thursday, July 28, 2016

flogs (also i'm the worst)

Well guys, i'm back in the swing of things at school and then on top of selling Lipsense i'm like why do I overload myself always.....but i've been asking myself that for a long time haha!
Anyway, all this to say that my flog for last week didn't get filmed and oh, my flog for this week ALSO didn't get filmed! 
As I was thinking about backtracking and doing last weeks video, the prompt for that being "favorite places" I decided to share the video I made of clips from Vancouver, because I decided my favorite place is on vacation. It doesn't matter where, I just like going places. Who doesn't?

You can check that out below!
Here is the link up for Flog #3, favorite places!
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This weeks prompt was stop motion. I know what i'm doing for this video but filming it became tricky when I realized I didn't plan my life like I should. So look for that next week.

Meanwhile, watch the other ladies flogs here!

This is the last official flog post, hopefully my final stop motion one will be making an appearance soon.
I have a few "serious" posts that are sitting in my drafts and i'm trying to find the courage to write them....so maybe stay tuned for those.

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Monday, July 25, 2016

sometimes you just have to put on some lipgloss and pretend to be psyched.

Well you guys, it happened.
Yesterday I decided I wasn't quite the stereotypical Utah Blogger Mormon enough, wasn't quite annoying on social media enough, so I made a decision.


I decided to join an MLM.

I love this ish

Okay, but really. I posted a while ago that I tried Lipsense, a lipstick that does NOT come off all day through eating, drinking, kissing, sweating etc and they have a million different shades and i'm basically obsessed. I really wanted to buy some but then I learned it was very cheap to become a distributer and just have a discount. Cheaper, in fact. However once I noticed how much I loove the product, I started seeing distributers allllll over social media and I was like, "how did something get so insanely saturated in like two seconds?" but then I remembered the discount that you get on all these lippie colors and I was like "yassss"

So I signed up and i'm selling it, but please keep reading!!

I promise that I will not be annoying,  I promise I will not add you into any groups that you don't want to be in. I promise I will not message you or stalk you. I promise I won't pretend like we're tight if we aren't in order to sell you something. Basically, I won't be a douchebag about this.

However if you are interested, join my facebook group! I'm authorized to discount the product to a certain extent so I really want to give you the best deal possible. I'm not trying to make this a business, which is maybe the wrong attitude to go into this with but I do nawt have time for that. Anyway what i'm saying is I love the product, I want you to have the product but I don't want to annoy you or stalk you in the world of ever prevalent MLMs.

Join my group here if you just are curious or want more info. 

I love you guys. Thanks for supporting me in this because I am actually really overwhelmed by the whole thing and Mark is not feeling it either so I need someone to be like, "you can do the thing!"

Okay have a great day! :) 

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