Tuesday, July 30, 2013

This is a post I wrote on my old blog in January of 2011. I have been getting a lot of feedback about it so I decided to re-post it! Enjoy!

So I would say I have been doing the single thing for a long time now. It is pretty rare when new boys come on the radar for me. However, I live in a house with 23 other girls, and besides them, 34 others that are in my life on the reg. (read-sorority girl) All of these other girls cycle through men very quickly. As I haven't been occupied with any of my own men, I watch my sorority sisters. I watch how they are with boys, how they swoon, how they date, and how it ends up not working out, for the most part.

I have learned some very important lessons with doing all of this watching.
Women? We are crazy. Downright, bat-ish, mother-lovin crazy.
We are exactly the stereotype men think that we are! We over-analyze. We freak out. And guess what? It's not cute.
There are many types of crazy. Here are a few I particularly find ridiculous...
There are the obsessive girls. These are the girls that are writing a boys name all over their binder with hearts. Has a male ever said, "The way she stalks me...it's so adorable." NO! No, no, NO!
There are the over-analyzers. These are the girls that when the male is still trying to remember her name, she already has half their wedding planned. Or my favorite "he texted/said/facebooked/tweeted this, and so ahhhbviously he means ______(fill in the blank with a ridiculous overreaction."
This is the one I struggle with, because it's SO EASY to take what a boy says and twist it around to what you want to believe. However my philosophy for the past few years has been to take it one step at a time, because you probably won't make it to the next step anyways. If we are bein honest.
There are the JUST PLAIN STUPID girls. Example. "He called me at 3 am to come over, so I did. I don't get why he doesn't want to be my boyfriend..." When I heard one of my sisters say this, it took all I had not to immediately tweet the story....hashtag bootycall. Are you kidding me? Of course he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. Does the phrase "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" ring a bell?
Examples like this go on and on, "He only texts me when he's drunk..." HELLO!? Were you dropped on your head when you were an infant?! He doesn't like you. I promise.
The last category I will put us ladies in, are the ones who have not read "He's Just Not That Into You." I believe that every girl should be handed a copy of this when they enter Jr. High, and forced to study it like a friggin bible.
These facts include....
He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You
(Guys will ALWAYS find a way to call you if they are interested)

He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You
(If he won't be your boyfriend....something fishy is goin on here.)

He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex With You

(This means you are probably in the friend zone. Or worse.)
He's Just Not That Into You If He Is Having Sex With Someone Else
He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He's Drunk
(Stated above)
He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want To Marry You
(Same with the dating thing, only elevated.)
He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up With You
He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared On You
(He's probably hiding from you and your heart covered binder)
He's Just Not That Into You If He's Married (And Other Insane Variations Of Being Unavailable)

The main lesson to take away from this book is that "You are the rule, not the exception."

An example of this is you meet an awesome guy, and he gets your number. If he doesn't call you, he's just not that into you. This is the rule.

The exception is all of the little stories that your girlfriends tell you to make you feel better while you are halfway into a gallon of ice cream.

The exception in this case would be something like, "I knew a girl once who gave her number to a guy and he totally lost it and couldn't call her, but they ran into each other a few months later and now they are happily married while 14,000 kids!"
No. You are not the exception. I don't really think these stories are actually even true.
One day, you might be the exception. But you can never, ever think of yourself or your situation as the exception. If you are even having this thought, sorry, but you are an overanalyzer. See above.

I am not saying I have never been one of these girls, I have just had the opportunity to come to terms with the fact that as women, we are crazy. It's who we are. If you wanna keep on keepin on, that's just fine. But if you want to stash the crazy, not a bad idea either.

Just sayin.


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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

the one where I roast UVU

I'm a Aggie Life Girl, through and through. However, I did not notice this till I decided to transfer colleges. I am now a Wolverine? I think? Who knows, I spilled a glass of water on my orientation packet which basically shows how many "f's" I give about UVU. So, in light of growing frustrated every time someone asks "Oh ya! You're at UVU now! How is it going!" I can just direct them to this blogpost and they can get all the answers they need.

Here are some reasons why UVU is actually the worst.

1. Everyone at Utah State has those "moms" in their classes that they are both afraid to talk to in case she ends up being a Mary Kay Consultant (true story, names shall be kept anonymous, but please stop calling me Irene) and also eager to befriend because they take notes like a mothah f****...ah. At USU, these mommies are the minority. There are maybe two in each semesters worth of classes that you have to deal with. But let me tell you about UVU. These mommies make up the ENTIRE STUDENT BODY. Let me repeat this. I, an average 21 year old college student, am the minority on a college campus. There are so many moms. SO MANY MOMS. This makes classroom discussions downright painful and group work----do NOT even get me started. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great they are going back to school, etc etc woman power and shiz, but I cannot have this many overachievers in my classes. It makes my "C's get degrees!" mentality totally transparent.

2. All of my professors are Mormon.....and they let you know.
Ok, maybe nothing is wrong with this. I'm a Mormon after all. But these professors are so vocal about their religion in class that it makes me uncomfortable for the people in the class that are not Mormon. It's a weird emotion and I can't really explain it without sounding like a douche. But hey, History of Utah professor? I don't really need to know about what you did for your home teaching last night. Ok, cool, thanks.

3. The professors are the ~~~WORST
(~~~ = emphasis)
With the exception of one and even he has his weird moments (telling me his whole life story when I asked him when our extra credit was due?) I have never dealt with such horrible professors in four years at USU. Not knowing how to use powerpoint, not knowing how to use canvas, not knowing what makes a good lecture, not giving correct syllabi, the list goes on. and on. and on. and on. and on.

4. A dyslexic foreigner could get an A in these classes.
Though I understand my major could be considered "easy" to some, (until I tell them to analyze a poem and write about it for ten pages, your move biotch.) these classes I am taking are easier to pass than my most basic classes in High School. "You get ten points just for signing the roll every day!" "I decided not to make you do a final paper, it seems to be too stressful of a work load with all that signing the roll" honestly, my brain is melting. Someone enlighten me, please.

5. When someone mentions BYU in a classroom at UVU, no one gets awkward or snorts. It makes me uncomfortable.

But here are three reasons I choose to stay

1. Parking. USU, take a freaking hint. Free summer parking. $40.00 to park during the entire school year. Rarely any parking enforcement otherwise. I realize UVU is a commuter school and USU is not, but come on.

2. The desks. I am convinced UVU was able to go from a college to a University because they bought some of the greatest desks I have ever had a pleasure to sit my ass on. They are HUGE. At USU, you have to do everything on a desk that is a size of a 2x4. Maybe it is all the mommies needing a place to put their bazillion highlighters and post it notes, but UVU's desks are huge and fannnnnntastic.

3. Driving.
Every day I have to drive thirty minutes to Orem, thirty minutes back. I have never once gone less than 70 MPH, not because I am being an a-hole and speeding, but I truly am keeping up with the flow of traffic. That side of the valley KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE! I have my theory, it's because on the way to Logan you have a lot of people from Idaho. You betches do not know how to drive.

Sooo, go Wolverines! or something. HAGS!
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