Wednesday, July 17, 2013

the one where I roast UVU

I'm a Aggie Life Girl, through and through. However, I did not notice this till I decided to transfer colleges. I am now a Wolverine? I think? Who knows, I spilled a glass of water on my orientation packet which basically shows how many "f's" I give about UVU. So, in light of growing frustrated every time someone asks "Oh ya! You're at UVU now! How is it going!" I can just direct them to this blogpost and they can get all the answers they need.

Here are some reasons why UVU is actually the worst.

1. Everyone at Utah State has those "moms" in their classes that they are both afraid to talk to in case she ends up being a Mary Kay Consultant (true story, names shall be kept anonymous, but please stop calling me Irene) and also eager to befriend because they take notes like a mothah f****...ah. At USU, these mommies are the minority. There are maybe two in each semesters worth of classes that you have to deal with. But let me tell you about UVU. These mommies make up the ENTIRE STUDENT BODY. Let me repeat this. I, an average 21 year old college student, am the minority on a college campus. There are so many moms. SO MANY MOMS. This makes classroom discussions downright painful and group work----do NOT even get me started. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great they are going back to school, etc etc woman power and shiz, but I cannot have this many overachievers in my classes. It makes my "C's get degrees!" mentality totally transparent.

2. All of my professors are Mormon.....and they let you know.
Ok, maybe nothing is wrong with this. I'm a Mormon after all. But these professors are so vocal about their religion in class that it makes me uncomfortable for the people in the class that are not Mormon. It's a weird emotion and I can't really explain it without sounding like a douche. But hey, History of Utah professor? I don't really need to know about what you did for your home teaching last night. Ok, cool, thanks.

3. The professors are the ~~~WORST
(~~~ = emphasis)
With the exception of one and even he has his weird moments (telling me his whole life story when I asked him when our extra credit was due?) I have never dealt with such horrible professors in four years at USU. Not knowing how to use powerpoint, not knowing how to use canvas, not knowing what makes a good lecture, not giving correct syllabi, the list goes on. and on. and on. and on. and on.

4. A dyslexic foreigner could get an A in these classes.
Though I understand my major could be considered "easy" to some, (until I tell them to analyze a poem and write about it for ten pages, your move biotch.) these classes I am taking are easier to pass than my most basic classes in High School. "You get ten points just for signing the roll every day!" "I decided not to make you do a final paper, it seems to be too stressful of a work load with all that signing the roll" honestly, my brain is melting. Someone enlighten me, please.


5. When someone mentions BYU in a classroom at UVU, no one gets awkward or snorts. It makes me uncomfortable.



But here are three reasons I choose to stay

1. Parking. USU, take a freaking hint. Free summer parking. $40.00 to park during the entire school year. Rarely any parking enforcement otherwise. I realize UVU is a commuter school and USU is not, but come on.

2. The desks. I am convinced UVU was able to go from a college to a University because they bought some of the greatest desks I have ever had a pleasure to sit my ass on. They are HUGE. At USU, you have to do everything on a desk that is a size of a 2x4. Maybe it is all the mommies needing a place to put their bazillion highlighters and post it notes, but UVU's desks are huge and fannnnnntastic.

3. Driving.
Every day I have to drive thirty minutes to Orem, thirty minutes back. I have never once gone less than 70 MPH, not because I am being an a-hole and speeding, but I truly am keeping up with the flow of traffic. That side of the valley KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE! I have my theory, it's because on the way to Logan you have a lot of people from Idaho. You betches do not know how to drive.





Sooo, go Wolverines! or something. HAGS!
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