Tuesday, August 6, 2013

bloom

***NOTE***
I am reposting certain blogposts from my previous blog in order to have things in one place.
This blog post is originally from 6/8/13
I might receive my certified crazy card in the mail next week with this blog post. The mailman will deliver it to me and he will look at me and just know. He has delivered his fair share of those crazy cards in his mailman lifetime, mostly to trailer parks and apartment complex's called something like "Aspen Lakes" but occasionally he visits neighborhoods like mine. The reason I deserve this crazy card is because my whole entire life I have had this premonition. No signs, no dreams, no answered prayers but just a feeling. It's more than a feeling however, it's a knowledge. Like I know that gaucho pants will never look good on me, but I have never tried them on. Maybe not that trivial, but you get the point. 
I have a feeling that I am going to have a down syndrome baby. I am not really sure when my feelings about this started, but I remember being terrified. I have a down syndrome aunt and she is the sweetest lady but I have always felt uncomfortable being close to her. In high school, all my friends took the peer mentor class and worked at Rise, an organization that helps special needs children. I could have done all these things, but I never did because it just made me uncomfortable. I know this sounds terrible. Because it is quite terrible. I am a bad person for this way of thinking. This is why I feel that I have a little DS baby in heaven waiting to come change my mind. In the past few years and with the help of Kelle Hampton, I have embraced this. I am not scared and actually look forward to it. 
I got a little nervous when I realized that I should probably bring up my little feeling to Mark. You never know how guys take things. Especially because I realize that just explaining it on this blog post, I sound like a crazy person. But last night I casually brought it up, surprising myself that I had been so nonchalant about it. I was worried he would run down the street and assault the mailman in order to hand deliver my crazy card himself. Mark's response made me fall in love with him all over again and I just wanted to grab his little panda face and cover it with kisses. "That's ok, we'll love it." That's pretty much Mark's attitude about life. You get dealt what you get dealt and you learn how to deal with it and then you just do it. I envy this acceptance so much. I tend to hmm and haww and fight what I have been given instead of just "going with the flow" and dealing with it, learning from it and moving on. 
I mentioned Kelle Hampton earlier and today I just finished her book Bloom. It was fantastic! I recommend every going and reading it. 
Also I noticed what a crazy coincidence that Kelle's Father's response upon hearing that her daughter had DS was exactly what Mark had responded.




That's all for now. I have to go hide from the mailman. 
 photo riley-sig_zps51d1cb9c.jpg

No comments:

Post a Comment