Friday, August 9, 2013

how my relationship breaks me out of my fairy tale and into reality but in a good way etc.

***NOTE***
I am reposting certain blogposts from my previous blog in order to have things in one place.
This blog post is originally from 8/9/13


This week has been rough for me, etc etc (how I always start my blogs out) because of job drama and stress and so naturally I take it out on the person I love most in the world. Also, PMS, man. So earlier this week I started freaking out about something irrational and I had the thought "Wow. A relationship is taking TWO different peoples wants, needs, desires, etc. and requiring that both be met. That's nuts. I want to be in a relationship that is only one sided. Can I date myself? Shoot, I can't have a asian baby with myself...well maybe I could.." and on and on I went in my head.
Last night, Mark and I watched THIS movie trailer (PS Joaquin Phoneix actually doing something??? Let's all applaud) and we discussed it after. Mark commented that this probably will be reality in 40-60 years. We were both struck with a sense of sadness because of how pathetic this one-sided love seemed. Mark then said something that struck me and made me realize what an idiot I had been. I asked him why anyone would want that type of love. He said "People want to love a robot because they are selfish, they only want to worry about themselves in a relationship, they don't want to grow...they want to live in a selfish bubble forever." 
Being in a relationship is the hardest thing I have ever done and I am only at the brink of it. This is where my first life lesson comes in. "Hard" does not mean "bad" it absolutely does not. Hard means learning the lessons that I should have learned a long time ago that make me a better person. 
I am so thankful for Mark every day for being patient while I learn these harder lessons.

Also, let's give a second round of applause for Joaquin.

-Riley


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