Friday, November 8, 2013

Fifteen Things That Have Happened In The Last Year----a pre anniversary post

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Mark and I are celebrating our one year anniversary tonight! Pickins are slim as far as what there is to do in Logan for a fancy anniversary but we are not picky so Hu Hot, Twizzleberry and a Netflix movie is what is up.
When I think about this past year I think about how fast it went but in reality a lot of stuff went down. Here is a list of the fifteen things that have happened in the world since Mark and I started dating.
1. Les Miserable made me Les Miserable. 
Les Miserable came out on Christmas in 2012 and everyone was talking about it. Anne Hathaway did not eat for ten days to prepare for sorority rush her role. So naturally, we had to go see it. Maybe I had been living under a rock but I know that I was not the only one that did not know it was singing the entire time. So I was ready to run to the front of the theater, pour my water bottle all over my head and sing A Little Fall Of Rain so that I could die after I was done and be put out of my misery. Regardless, Les Miserable grossed about 18 million in theaters. I still identify the movie as "That movie that you have to sit through three hours of to get to the song that is super catchy"
Do you hear the people siinnggg?

2. Beyonce performed in the SuperBowl and caused a blackout. 
I was neck-deep in mozzarella sticks and processed nacho cheese when Mark announced it was halftime and Beyonce was coming out. She shook her bum and sung a little bit and then all of the sudden everything was dark. I don't really know what this meant for the football game but what it meant for twitter was a missed opportunity for me to become famous if only I had thought of all of these tweets first. 

Also, Destiny's Child had a reunion and it stopped the guilt I had been feeling about making a music video when I was fourteen to "Bootylicious" and I had shamed them into breaking up. 
3. The new colored iPhones and the new IOS 7 update came out. 
 I used to judge people on whether or not they had an iphone, but now I can categorize my friends within the iphone community! "*Runs into friend* Hey! Do you want to hang out tonight? Oh....I didn't know you had a green iphone...I actually just remembered I have work tonight. *Walks away. Calls up new friend* "Hey! You just bought the gold iphone right? Cool! Wanna go to dinner tonight?" 
God Bless America.
4. Paula Deen was like "Yo, i'm a racist! Want some butta ballz?" 
Mark got a kick out of this for some reason. I'm not sure why anyone was surprised. It's the poor lady's fault only a tiny bit! She was raised in the south during the Civil Rights Movement. But let's stop with the political argument and please just go to this site and look at all these GIFs of Paula Deen. You will be laughing so hard you won't remember the racism/heart disease she projected onto America!

5. Amazeballs, mwuaha, ridic and lolz all were added to the dictionary.
I wanted to be ashamed for America about this but I actually use these phrases daily. Maybe not amazeballs so much because I feel like that would come with a responsbility to play Dungeons and Dragons and watch Star Trek but the other ones are common in my vocabulary. The dictionary just justified me talking this way and also being an English teacher. Riley: 1 Society: 0
6. Cool Ranch Doritos Locos
Usually I have a strict "Taco Bell after 2 AM Only Rule" due to the famous "Riley & Codi Taco Bell Binge of 2008" but these are actually really delicious and can I say, revolutionary? (Do you hear the people siiiiinnng?) I can just see a Taco Bell meeting at the corperate office. The room is filled with smoke.
"Dudes...let's like...take a Dorito and put stuff inside it."
"I dunno man that sound sketchy"
"Nah dude, we'll only charge a dollar for it. People will love it."
"Cool man. Hold up while I respond to our twitter followers in a witty fashion."
And here are some horrifying statistics. 
7. Harlem Shake
I would like to consider myself culturally trendy. I knew what the deal with Rebecca Black was (Yes, she was serious. Yes, she has a label. No, that black man in the video isn't Usher) and I knew about the one year old basketball superstar before anyone else. However, I could never figure out the deal with The Harlem Shake. I wish someone besides a Community College would take me seriously if I wrote a dissertation paper about the beginnings of The Harlem Shake and its rise in social media, etc. Ok, my nerd talk is over. But here is a montage of the ten best Harlem Shake videos.
I actually filmed one with my sorority and it was really fun. I was given a chance to let my freak flag fly and for it to be culturally acceptable. 

8. Amanda effing Bynes.
I will always remember the frantic phone call I got from Mark "Have you seen Amanda Byne's twitter account!?!?!" 
Yes, we all remember her autobiography of her fall from the top ("top" veerrry loosely used)
AKA her twitter account. It all started with THIS tweet (which I won't post on my blog cause, Hi Mom!) but here are some other tweets that I lit'rally cannot get enough of. 

But srs, finish rehab and become a better person only to downfall again so I can lol-for-days once more.
9. That's so Lesbian
Big news that I am wondering why surprised us all after this picture:
Queen Latifah girl, is that you!?
Raven Symone is lesbian! This might mean the end of The Cheetah Girls. 
Oh, wait.
10. Bert and Ernie were accused of being gay.
In other homosexual news! People finally realized that two men being roommates for their entire life and not being addicted to video games and Dr. Who is a little weird.
Also, in doing research about this I stumbled across the site "Muppet Wiki" so that episode of My Strange Addiction makes a lot more sense to me now.

11. Little Debbie shut down
Why didn't we see the signs early on about the government shutdown?! 
But seriously, nothing says "America" like a bunch of obsese people shoving snack cakes in their cart like it's World War Z.
Related: I believe that Zebra Cakes were made by Hostess and ran out to buy six boxes. Ate them all when I figured out they aren't. #Merica
12. People compared surviving a one day cruise ship breakdown to surviving The Holocaust
One sentence to describe this incident: IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH, PEOPLE.
A Carnival Cruise Ship broke down so passengers were "stranded" for a day. People were peeing in buckets and fighting each other for food. People that came off the ship said it was "like the Holocaust"
This is when I wish I was there so I could be a sarcastic douchebag to everyone exiting the ship. "Literally was it literally like The Holocaust and Hurricane Katrina? Wow. You're a survivor. Please write a book." 
I really can't wait to bring a survivor into my English classroom in ten years while we are studying the book. Sorry Elie Wiesel, Night is being put on hold for "Stranded by the Flo-Rida, Rock Wall, Unlimited Pizza Buffet and Bar"
The only thing I think that could be worse is a bunch of people getting stuck inside a Chuck-A-Rama. Mass chaos. No survivors. I'm not sure it would take long for people to go all Donner Party. 
13. Justin Bieber did a few notable bad things amidst his general bad person-ness.
Do you remember the buzz about Bieber peeing in a bucket on the street? And visiting the Anne Frank house and signing the guest book that Anne would have been a Belieber? 
Everyone remembers this and yet still people are pushing for a lower drinking age. 
Brain cells are critically important, people! 
14.  So I sat down and did a hearty count for this one. At first I recounted because I couldn't believe it and when I realized I was right I wanted to be shocked but I realized hey, it's Utah. If you get a sign to get married, you are probably gonna do that. So, last but not least....
couples that Mark or I have been friends with have have met AND gotten married in the time that Mark and I have been dating. FIVE of whom are currently pregnant. 
So I think Mark and I deserve some type of award or world record or something.
And let's just throw in a number 15 that even though 36 of our friends have gotten married, Kim Kardashian has gotten married, divorced, knocked up AND engaged. So maybe you are the true award winner, girlfriend! 
Happy Friday!

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