I get really caught up in this statement. Do I really know who I am? Do I love who I am? Do I dislike the things about myself that I do because I genuinely do not like them or because other people don't? For example, do I really hate that I am bossy or do I hate that others hate that I am bossy? Is too much of myself based on the people I surround myself with?
I ask myself these questions daily and until I get dizzy.
I went through this stage that in order to truly know myself and in order to be really happy I alone had to make myself happy. I did not want to base my happiness on other people. I was really mad at myself for being sad that Mark left on a mission. I didn't need Mark to make me happy! I should be happy just hanging out with myself! I relied on this sentiment for a very long time. Two summers ago, I was all alone. Literally. I stayed in my room all day and all alone. I was alone to the point I avoided any contact with people, even the clerk at the grocery store. In a three month time period, I can count the time in which I was with other people on one hand. And guess what? That was the most miserable and low three months of my entire life. I was so desolate.
But hey! Wait a minute! According to my theory, I should have been the happiest girl in the world because I was not basing my happiness on others! But I was the furthest thing from happy. I decided my theory needed to be worked on. And here is my new one:
It's a nice sentiment to think that you alone can make yourself happy, but that is not reality. True happiness in life is filled with those who help you to be happy. Your friends, your family and most importantly God. Surrounding yourself with positive people who love you will help you to learn to love yourself. The love these people feel for you wire you to learn what love is and therefore you learn to love yourself. I think God gives us so much capability to love because he wants us to get a glimpse of how much he loves us. I love Mark with everything that I have but it's only a small snippet of how much Heavenly Father loves us. I strive daily to feel the love that God has for me and feel that love for myself and others. This is the true happiness in life.