Wednesday, July 23, 2014

hey hey hey it's my birthday soon

....and by soon I mean next month. If you are new here, new to me, new to this blog, new to life (but why are babies reading my blog? #badumting) my birthday has always been like....a huge deal for me. I freaking love birthdays in general, so of course I am obsessed with birthdays. Probably because I am obsessed with parties! I love planning parties. Growing up, my parents told me I could either have $100.00 for presents or I could have a birthday party. I always chose the party*. Mostly because I knew they would give me a present anyway and then I would get presents from the people that came to my birthday. Smart girl, I was...and kind of still am. 
*Except for one year when we were building our house and living in my Grandmas basement. I chose one of those real life dolls? They were like $100.00 and they were almost ten pounds. They had like a full head of hair on them...what were these called? They were super popular in the late nineties/early 2000s...they had their own store in the this is going to bug me..
Anyway, let me recap the last few years of birthday fun....
Just to show you this birthday obsession of mine is not a new thing, here are some pictures of when I turned ten and eleven. 

I should have copyrighted these looks because then RuPaul's drag race show would have made me a rich women. 

I want to give an honorable mention to my 14th birthday, we went to Build-A-Bear. 14 years old. Build-A-Bear. I remember my friend had just entered her punk rebellion phase, lots of piercings, etc, and I remember her face as the Build-a-Bear worker made us crawl on the floor through a fake safari. I betrayed her ultimately. So yeah, Build-a-Bear was kind of weird. I mean, I was still weirdly playing with barbies so I guess it made sense.

Fifteen years old I guess is when I decided that it was time to give up the kids stuff.... so we played a lot of games and had a sleepover. Here we are trying to melt frozen t-shirts. I convinced all of us to sit on them to melt them so it looked like we had peed our pants for the rest of the night. Super fun.

And then.....the dreaded sixteenth birthday. I look back on this birthday with shivers.

I probably should explain these pictures, but I won't. I just want everyone to notice the Cool is a Girls Best Friend shirt I was obsessed with. Literally, what does that even mean? Also, why was it so difficult to find jeans that fit right? I was still like a size six when I was 16...i'm so puzzled. I am disappointed that I made poor fashion choices when I was skinny. 
I'm also pretty disappointed that the fuzzy slippers I was wearing don't  make their debut in these pictures. Slippers are always sensible for a night out on the town, right?
This birthday was also known as: THE YEAR I INVITED EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG. COME ONE, COME ALL, APPARENTLY. But really, people kept pouring in and my parents were like ??? 

Apparently I have no photographic evidence of my 17th birthday, except my family party. I kept with the mature theme of Carebears. 

And then, there was 18. An age so mature that I had to have three parties to prove my worth.
Family party...fairly calm, mature, etc.
 So I mean yeah, I wish I could tell you my Mom ordered me this cake and surprised me and it was way cute but no, I totally ordered this cake myself. For myself. A cake with myself on the cake for myself that I ordered myself.

....Which none of us ate.

My actual birthday was a few days after I had moved up to Utah State for the first time. So I was like "Nice to meet you roomies, can you throw me a party? All my friends are coming up for part two of my birthday extravaganza" and since they were scared of me, they did it. 

On my nineteenth birthday I really wanted my party to have the "Studio 600" vibe. Marcus Wing was busy but I managed to get over seventy five people inside my basement to have a dance party. This party had a whole lot of people walking in, surveying the scene of sweaty people dancing awkwardly, and walking out. Pretty much like a real dance party! Very successful. 

This is also the year my friend Joe decided he was going to be a stripper for parties. I am not even kidding. Wish I was.

I also tore my meniscus at this party, literally from dancing so hard. The pain from this injury is one I still carry with me today. Hoorah!
Icing my knee after the party....

....annnnd somehow the party ended with this:

Twenty (we are almost done here) was the year I spent my birthday in Logan and it was also the year I worked at Kiddie Kandids. 

It was also the year I decided mexican food is way better than anything else. This was my best epiphany of this year. 

Twenty one was maybe the most awkward and my favorite birthday. Mark came home! I met up with him at a bar at 11:30 PM, a half hour before my birthday. He had been home a few hours and I drug him to a bar. My table for one in hell should be ready in 5-10 minutes. The next day on my actual birthday, we went to Red Robin.....cause nothing says "Happy Milestone Birthday!" like a crappy hamburger.

I feel like I should note I am drinking a Shirley Temple. Ok, noted.

Annnnnd last but not least, my 22nd birthday. I remembered when I ordered myself the cake with my face on it and I was like "That was a good idea," and so I bought myself giant mylar balloons. No Ragrats. Excpet maybe a few regrets, helium is like insanely expensive....

My friends and I went to thai food and then we went to the Off Broadway Theater for their improv show. I got called up on stage and realized the comedy career is really for me. But seriously, they told me it was one of the best bits they had ever done with an audience member.  However, I don't have an engrained love for Doctor Who so I didn't make it as apart of the cast. Alas. 

Two things went terribly wrong on this birthday. I got the spotlight stolen from me twice and it was just way rude. 
First, my nephew Joshua was blessed on my birthday. Like, how inconsiderate dude. Can you not plan better? Ugh, you're the freaking worst. 

Then I wanted to go on a bike ride for my birthday. So we did, without helmets because we are hardcore. Then Mark went ahead and decided I was getting way too much attention (Drama Queen, much?) and crashed his bike.....really really bad. He was out of it, concussion, huge bleedy thing on his face that eventually turned into a pus thing, passing out, etc. So I called 911 and he had to be fussed over all night, leaving my birthday cake untouched. So freaking rude. 

(if you don't understand sarcasm, this is it. this whole thing. Ok, just so we're clear.) 

So if you don't understand yet, my birthday is full of hot mess moments and always a great story. I started this post out with intentions of creating a birthday wish list and then I had a lot more fun doing maybe the wishlist will come soon.
This year I was thinking about how I could top any of my birthday parties yet. I came to the conclusion that I probably can't. The main thing I want for my birthday is to go home. So that's it, folks! August 18th we are packing up my lil nissan and headed on the 3,000 mile journey home. Can't wait to get there!

 photo riley-sig_zps51d1cb9c.jpg


  1. haha, this is awesome. rupaul would indeed be envious. Also, I'm loving the idea of ordering a cake with your own face on it. Putting that down in the books for my next birthday!!

    1. Do it! Haha at Costco it's actually cheaper than a regular cake. Go figure!

  2. I seriously can not get enough of your blog! I love the nod to KK. Miss you and your weirdness. !

    1. I'm so glad someone enjoys it other than me!! Haha I miss KK so much actually!

  3. you have the best face for photos. like you look so geniunely happy in all of them. birthdays are the best. i agree. make it a good one!
    the little diary

    1. Wow, seriously so nice! I have thought about this comment a lot over the past few days so thank you so much!!

  4. I agree with Emily! You always seem to be having a great time. I love that! And I share your love of birthdays! Over here, I believe in a thing called "birth month", so you're almost there!!

    1. BIRTH MONTH. I love it!! I thought I was going overboard with a week-long celebration but I like the birth month concept.

  5. I can't believe I hadn't found your blog until today. You are hilarious.

    1. Haha thank you!!!!! I am so glad you found me!