Tuesday, August 5, 2014

what are your worst habits?

I was trying to find the most awkward picture of myself that exists so I will just leave this right here..

Do you ever look in the mirror and say, "Wow, you are the literal worst." I know that female empowerment is big right now but let's face it, sometimes you know that you are the worst. I was really nervous to get married because let's be honest, i'm the worst to live with. I have done a pretty good job at correcting some of my bad habits like not leaving my shoes lying around, however there are a few things I am still trying to work on....

1. Many people have hobbies whether that be sewing, running, cooking. You know, something that is really beneficial to themselves or society. My hobby is either pouring a glass of something or opening a can of soda, taking one sip, and then deserting it like an unwanted baby. I really like the initial taste taste of caffeine burn and then I am pretty much uninterested. My dining room table constantly looks like Sandra Bullock is about to do a musical cups routine. 

2. Chips are a staple in my house. Mark has started to suggest that we get our own separate chips and I wondered why until this morning when I was digging like a raccoon through a dumpster for the most cheese coated Dorito chip. I feel like I basically should have gold panning kit. 
These here cool ranch pieces usually have the most bang for your buck...

3. Speaking of raccoons, another one of my awesome traits is that I hide food. Maybe now that I think about it, I am not sure raccoons actually hide food....but whatever animal hides food, i'm that animal. Mark doesn't go with me grocery shopping and trusts me to stick to our list. I haven't felt Satan so strong since I got a second ear hole piercing my senior year of high school as when I saw the Salsa Con Queso in the chip isle, my true kryptonite. I bought it and then made the homeless man outside of Walmart burn the receipt with his lighter. Then I had to pay him off. This whole thing was spinning out of control. When I got home I shoved the cheese in the bottom corner of the fridge and desperately tried to organize everything in the fridge so the cheese remained unseen. However as soon as Mark got home and opened the cupboard I knew I had made a terrible mistake, I forgot to hide the chips. The jig was up, but it doesn't stop me from trying to hide various things like cookies and candy. 
Ok, a squirrel. Not a raccoon. 

4. They have all kinds of technology to make the world a better place, make clean water for children in Africa and cure terrible diseases. However, my favorite piece of technology remains to be my electric toothbrush. I got it for Christmas a few years ago when my Mom decided I needed to throw away the toothbrush that sang Hannah Montana songs as I brushed. The one downfall of the brush is that I take it out of my mouth while it's still spinning, trying to work it's little scrub brush magic and before I know it, toothpaste is flying all over the bathroom mirror. Now, i'm only 23 and not quite adult enough to windex the mirror after each time I brush, so I usually leave it until cleaning day. However, I am starting to notice it affecting my mirror-selfie game, so I might have to re-adjust my lifestyle.

5. Sometimes my craziness shines a little brighter than other times. Showering is one of those times that my crazy is like a neon sign. Showering, as much as I love it, makes me claustrophobic. The heat of the water combined with the small space of the shower just puts me on edge. Thankfully I don't get this way until the last few minutes of my shower. As soon as I turn the shower off, I rip open the curtain and I bail. I actually didn't even realize it was normal to dry off inside the shower until I moved into a sorority house. But alas, I feel too set in my ways to change now so I will continue to leave water the size of Lake Eerie in my wake with every step out of the shower. Mark's favorite thing is when I sit down on the couch or the bed seconds after I have hopped out of the shower. If the insane humidity didn't leave everything awkwardly damp, my body took care of the job. 
Alright Marquis, have we learned our lesson? Don't go into the bathroom after I have just showered...

So I would love to hear what makes you guys the worst! Later we can celebrate what is super awesome about each of us...but for now, I see a bag of Dorito's and I know that there are some extra cheesy chips hiding somewhere in its depths...

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  1. ohhhh my gosh, you are so funny. this whole post had me cracking up. I legit had to stop reading at my desk at work because I was snorting too much. just thought I'd let ya know.

  2. hahahahahahahahaha. the homeless guy outside of walmart... too good! i love this post. i am doing one like it.
    the little diary

  3. I love this so much! I miss living with you in the house! I love your details which created a vivid movie in my head which caused me to giggle which caused many dirty looks in my meeting. (I know that was a bad sentence so don't just me English teacher!) I miss you so much! I'm glad you write such an awesome blog so I can stay connected