It's very important in this story that you know today is Monday. Monday. Ok, let's continue.
This morning a kid came up to me and told me he has a bad grade in my class. Ok...why do you have a bad grade in my class? Or the more accurate version, why do you think it is my fault you have a bad grade in my class?
A: "Well, I turned in an assignment about three weeks ago that you haven't graded yet."
Me: "Ok, describe the assignment to me."
A: "Well it was about the Fall of Rome and we had to fill out the little boxes.."
Me: "Oh ok, the Fall of Rome worksheet. That we did Thursday. That's not in your grade yet but it will be today."
Somehow this child took something we did the last time we were in class and equated it to three weeks ago. I don't understand this mindhop but alright.
Another time one of my students struggled with time...
Last week, we had an hour long assembly in the middle of the day. I was writing the schedule on the board and M instantly said "I freaking hate assembly days. Classes are always two hours instead of an hour and a half."
Ok, she couldn't really be serious. We start school at the same time, get out at the same time. She can't really think that by adding an hour of assembly time to our day it makes class time longer. I tried to logic with her by telling her all these things.
"No, teacher. I think you better call the office. Each class is two hours today."
I still tried to keep going.
"Listen, M. If you have a one hour assembly and a half an hour lunch, how much time do you have left for school?"
"Teacher, just stop arguing with me and call the office."
Ok. I will-
2. Speaking of which, they love to argue.
I have two honors classes so this agitates the situation, but I often get in arguments about test questions or homework assignments or just run of the mill stuff. I had to actually send a kid in the hall for viciously aruging with me about one point on his test.
My favorite argument, however, goes like this...
Me and D were talking about Swig, the soda place down the street from us. He told me Swig was really healthy. I was intrigued, I asked why he thought that.
D: "Well, you know the flavor add-ins?
Me: "Do I?!? I always get cherry and vanilla!"
D: Well those add-ins are actual fruit.
Me: "....Wait, you aren't saying you think they stick a cherry in a blender with your drink, are you?"
D: "Um, ya Mrs. Teacher." Me: "No, no, they use artificial flavoring syrup."
D: "No they don't"
Me: "They totally do! You can see all the syrups behind the counter!"
D: "No, I swear. It's real fruit"
Then I realized I was arguing with a 13 year old about Swig so I just walked away.
3. They are the most hopeful group of kids.
They actually believe that one day I won't give them homework. Or I will hand them a blank test. Or I will bring them candy. They actually believe this with all their heart even though that has never, ever been the case.
4. They just need someone to listen to them.
Not all my kids are like this, but a lot of them are. They will come and tell me the most random and/or pointless story. I have found out the hard way it's not because they want a response. They just want someone to listen.
J: "Mrs. Teacher, I took a quiz today."
Me: "Oh ya, what class?"
J: "No. No. No. Not for a class."
Me: "Oh you are just trying to push yourself?"
J: NO! I took a "How self absorbed are you?" test
Me: Oh, what were your results? (TERRIBLE QUESTION!!)
J: Well, here is how they score it. It's a twenty point score........ (GOES ON FOR NOT EVEN KIDDING TEN MINUTES)
J: I concluded that I am not self absorbed at all!
5. They always "forget"
Everything. Homework, to study, a jacket, their textbook, their pencil, their ENTIRE backpack. Because nothing makes more sense than coming to school and forgetting your backpack.
I got so sick of it the first week that once they told me they forget I had them pull out their phone. They always have their phone. "So you can remember your phone but you can't remember a pencil?" and the looks on their face are always priceless.
6. Sarcasm, they don't get it.
The number one question I get DAILY and I hate so FREAKING much is "Are we doing anything today?"
I always reply
"No, we are just going to sit around in silence and stare at the blank board."
or sometimes I get sassy and say
"Yeah! You guys did so good on your last test we are having a party today!"
To both, they always respond "REALLY!?!?"
NO NOT REALLY.
Another question I hate... "I am going to be gone all next week. Are we doing anything?"
"No, I am just gonna have everyone wear all black to mourn the fact that you are going to be gone. We will just reminisce about you all week..."
To that I get a weird look.
They are weird but I love em, even though most days around noon I am praying I can get through the day.
Hey! My name is Riley Jo. I have been living off Dr. pepper and a prayer since 1991. My life motto is one that Joey Gladstone taught me on Full House... make fun of yourself before anyone else has a chance to do it first! That's my goal here. Thanks for stopping by!