Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Is This What I Look Like?

  Note- I am dressed as a grandma for Halloween and definitely have like twelve pairs of socks stuffed in the biggest bra I could find from the DI. It's also one of my favorite pictures. Haha!
If you have been reading this blog for even a small amount of time, you know I love a good podcast. One of my favorites is This American Life. I feel like it makes such great conversation. I'm so fascinated by all of the stories. They are always just unlike anything i've ever heard!

So a few months ago there was a show with the theme "Is This What I Look Like?" It started with one of the producers going into a makeup store and the employee observing that her face was two distinctly different colors. They talk to a few other people who had moments where someone made an observation about them that wasn't an insult, but they just didn't realize that others noticed or they hadn't noticed themselves. One of the girls shared that her boyfriend told her she had club toes!

I was thinking about a few times that people have pointed out things in my life that I didn't realize were super noticeable. I've been pretty lucky because this hasn't happened a lot, especially because the age of the students I work with tend to be real honest, haha. However there have been times like when my student told me that I don't do my makeup "good" which I realized, he was totally right!! Haha! Another one I get a lot is about my huge dimple on my left cheek. Like, not a cute gerber baby dimple. A weird dimple that looks like I have a bruise in a lot of lighting. So many people in my life have been like "Oh my gosh! What is that bruise from?" However, it's just a quick conversation, "No, it's not a bruise it's a weird dent in my face and I just don't know why so let's move on." Plus I am not really self conscious about it so I don't spend a lot of energy on being annoyed. 

So yeah, I was listening to this podcast and laughing at these stories but thinking that they would never happen to me, not on the scale that these people were sharing. Then I went shopping on Friday.

I was in a store that is a secondhand shop, an upscale Plato's Closet if you will. I began shopping just like normal. I had been shopping for only a few minutes when the manager of the store came over and said something like "I have something to say to you, and I don't want it to sound bad but as you've probably noticed, we don't have a lot of stuff in your size."

My stomach kind of dropped, I was so confused. I was hurt for a pinch of a second. I know that i'm not a skinny minnie (as my Mom says) and heavens knows that I have gained a lot of weight in the past year. However, I worked pretty hard at the gym this summer and lost a little weight! 
Furthermore, I like my body. I honestly don't look at many skinnier people and wish that I was them. It has taken me a looong time to get this way but i'm happy to be here!
That being said, I am a woman, a human, and I still have insecurities. So yeah, my heart dropped to my butt while I waited for the manager to keep going. 
The manager went on to ask my opinion about how to get more sizes like mine in the store. He told me he hated the word plus size. He was very nice,  if he ever reads this (and I told him I blogged  and where so there is a big possibility that he will)  I don't want him to feel bad. I appreciated that he was trying to cater to my size, because I shopped for almost an hour and found nothing that fit. Seriously.
It was just one of those moments that I was like "Woah, people see me and think certain things." 

I don't really know what to say, i'm absolutely not fishing for compliments, I just wanted to share because it was just one of those life moments that grinded the usual day to day stuff to a hault. Good or bad, I was just like....LIFE, YA KNOW!?

Haha, obviously I am feeling super eloquent today. 
Also, I am in the process of changing my blog, a lot! I get really antsy for change. I love to redo my house, rearrange furniture, I wish I could change my hair a crazy color, but anyway I can't really do any of those things so I tend to change my blog a lot. I am so excited. I have wanted the feel of this new design for a long time but I never knew how to put it into words. Finally I started to find pictures, colors, pretty much anything that was some aspect of what I wanted.  I can't wait for you guys to see it! However, I am looking for someone to create a custom digital portrait of me. Every person I have reached out to on etsy has charged upwards of $100...i'm looking to do it for $20 ish, so probably someone just starting out. Let me know!

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  1. I personally think that him approaching you like that was incredibly inappropriate. You were a client, he should have been helping you rather than practically chasing you out of the store. Not that I want you to rethink your feelings and feel bad, haha I think it's amazing that you handled it so well, I would have been upset (clearly I need to work on my confidence). But I think that his actions were at fault and you look amazing and definitely SHOULD be proud of who you are and what you look like. Sorry, I feel like my rambling is making it worse. I just disagree with what he did and think you handled it beautifully. I would have walked out, I am sure. haha

    Anyways. I love This American Life!

    1. Haha that's so nice! I definitely felt weird about it for the entire day. Actually...still feeling weird about it, haha! I had won a giveaway to the store so I feel like I maybe would have left if I was spending my own money.

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  3. Lol the gerber baby dimple comment.
    I don't know how to do digital portraits but it sounds kinda fun to dabble in, if you want me to :)
    Oh! Or check out (she can do really cute digital portraits)

    Also, that guy is dumb. Like, I have people in my life who do the same thing. They just say things they notice about me without stopping to think, "could this be offensive" and needless to say those people are v annoying to me at all times. I think you can have a good intention, but still execute it wrong, like that freaking manager. And if you execute it wrong you're still a jerk haha, even if you didn't mean to be.

    Idk. I feel like everyone is human and has things they want to work on and things they don't want to work on. So like why do people feel the need to point these things out? Like let people live, ya know?

    Ha. I probably would have cried. I cry a lot these days. You're so awesome handling it like a boss. It seems like your students have more social skills than that manager for sure :)

    1. I sent her a message! So we'll see. But if you wanna try we should learn together! haha

      That's a really good point. Intentions maybe only get you so far. You have to own what comes out of your mouth at the end of the day.