Monday, November 28, 2016

having patience with yourself

Gotta love a good seatbelt selfie!
This post has been sitting in my drafts for a few months, being kept company by 777 other drafts! I'm trying to get more brave about sharing personal thoughts, so you might see some drafts finally get published, like this one! :) 

If you are new around here, I am a teacher to middle schoolers. The unit we are currently working on is about values. What values do the students have, what values do the characters in the books they are reading have, we have been reflecting on ourselves quite a bit. 
Many of my students have written in various assignments that they value patience. I have been thinking about that, because patience is something I do not have. It's probably the trait I have the least. I have no patience for incompetence on any level. If a person so much pauses too long at a stop sign I pretty much lose my dang mind. 
Lately with work, friends and life in general I have realized that I need to develop some patience in myself. 
I am not the best teacher, I am very much a control freak in my classroom. If kids aren't doing exactly what I think they should be doing, they are done for. Punishments dished out. If they take too long to get out their notebooks, they get lectured. Things like this that may make the kids scared of me and not misbehave, but it makes the classroom kind of tense and the kids don't really want to be there. I have been making it a goal to let little things slide so that I can establish relationships with these kids, something that can't happen when I am too uptight. 
I have had to re-learn this lesson over and over again lately, and i've become super frustrated with myself because I just can't seem to let some things go. I have realized that patience is a valuable trait and sometimes the person you need to have patience in the most is yourself.
I'm in the process of de-cluttering our apartment. It drives me pretty crazy that there are so many things that we don't use yet still have around. Our office is taken up by two huge bicycles that we haven't used once and it's just such a nightmare. My closet (two closets....oops) is contributing to this issue. I have so many dang clothes because buying clothes makes me happy. Having a new outfit makes me happy. But I know that I don't need 21 skirts. However when it comes time to get rid of some stuff I have been having such a hard time. I have really needed to have patience with myself while I go through the magic of tidying up or whatever the crap is happening to me right now. Major nesting mode I guess, for whatever reason.

I know that this lesson will only continue through life, motherhood, etc. I have so many things to learn about being a friend, a wife, etc, and I just need to have patience with myself while I learn all of those things.
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