Tuesday, April 25, 2017

being brave

Good morning!
This top is from Cents of Style, so is the skirt actually, but the top is in the A Fresh Cut Spring collection. The top has embroidery that says, "brave". Aside from it being an insanely comfy sweater,   I love the embroidery on it as a reminder to be brave daily. 
So in honor of being brave, I wanted to publish a post that has been in my drafts for a while. 
I have been meaning to write this post for about a year....but it makes me nervous but also I think it's important to talk about!
I have anxiety. I have had it ever since I was little, anyone in my family can attest to this, and I still struggle with it today!
 I hate talking about this only because I feel like people blow you off because it seems like everyone has anxiety these days. There is an epidemic, it seems, of mental illness and I think people get very apathetic about it because it's so common. I can see how it can be annoying because yes, a ton of people have anxiety/mental illness but it doesn't make it less real. The reason that a lot of people are talking about their mental illness is because the culture has changed and it's more acceptable for people to talk about it, which is great in my opinion! The more open people are the more likely people will implement a positive change. But the influx of people talking about this has made some others skeptical about who actually has a mental illness and who doesn't. My opinion is unless we are doctors or pyschologists, it's not our job to diagnose people, or not diagnose people or whatever. As always, I believe it's our job to be kind humans to people having a tough time in life.

Anxiety is one of the biggest parts of my life. I worry about everything, even stupid things, constantly and it drives everyone in my life absolutely crazy. 
In High School, I thought it was normal because one of my best friends acted the same way that I did (she also has anxiety we know now). It wasn't until the summer of my sophmore year that I started to have daily anxiety/panic attacks that would tire me out so much that I would have to sleep it off for hours and hours and would also leave me so I couldn't breathe. That was when I decided to admit that this wasn't normal and that I needed help. I took medicine for a bit but it made me so apathetic about everything that I couldn't stand myself, so I stopped. I have been using other ways to deal and that has seemed to work. Getting married actually helped a lot because it gave me someone that I could share my anxieties with, which makes me more quick to realize that my worries are irrational. If you want to talk more about what I do daily then we can talk one on one! :) 

Though it can be easy to want to avoid tasks that scare me or make me anxious, I have decided I don't want to be a person who hides from life. With Mark's help, I have had to make conscious daily decisions that anxiety can't control me. Some days are better than others (booking our trip to Europe was a big anxiety inducer for me, but I am working through it and feeling really good about the trip now) but I feel okay about where things are with me day to day!

Anxiety has taught me to be more loving to other people because you really never know that they could be fighting an internal battle every day. Cliche? Yes. True? Yes. It's made me really connect with so many of my students. A lot of them have anxiety, and for good reasons. They have so much pressure being put on them. One of my 8th graders is already practicing filling out college applications, they are only 13! Their lives are stressful and they have physical and mental ramifications from that. So it has actually been a really positive outcome from this whole thing. 

I am who I am, I don't think I would take away my anxiety if I had the choice because I feel like the ways I have struggled with it have made me a stronger, better person, as with any trial.

Thanks to Cents of Style for sponsoring this post. Check out their Fresh Cut Spring collection, they have tons of cute things that celebrate all sizes!
 photo riley-sig_zps51d1cb9c.jpg


  1. I had no idea! You are very brave. I struggle with anxiety too and was actually just put on medication for it about a month ago. But I don't think it's working. So I think I'll have to figure something else out. It is a REAL thing. But I am always glad when I find another people that share it with me. It makes me feel more "normal".

  2. I remember you first snapping about something with anxiety and I was like "me too!!!!" I used to carry a tazer with me everywhere!! Thanks for commenting and supporting. It means a lot!